What Is Your Relationship Bag?

In today’s dating reality most relationships are only temporary. We begin dating with the exciting feeling that this new person could be “the one”. But ultimately we settle into the reality that they are just another one; a do-fer or someone who will do for now until we find the one we really want.

In the mean time we use that person for whatever or how ever they can benefit us. The time in between recognizing the person we are dating is not the one and finding the right one is “the mean time”. The mean time is where we are relatively mean or heartless to the person we are dealing with because we know there is no real chance for a marriage relationship. So we use them because we need someone to be with “in the mean time”. We need someone to fulfill certain needs that we have so we carry this person in a certain type of bag based on what they can do for us. Both men and women have various bags which they carry someone in that they may like but don’t really love.

So, the question is: What is your relationship bag? What bag have you placed the person you are currently seeing in? More importantly, what bag have they placed you in? The list below may help you recognize which trick bag you’ve been placed in.

MEN’S BAGS:

Mail Bag – a woman who he can stay with or have his mail sent to her house after another woman or his mama kicked him out.

Gym Bag – a woman who he pretends to care for but he is only playing the "Something Better Game". That is, he will use her for sex until something better comes along. At the end of the season she makes it to the "Play Offs" which is where he tries to play her off so that he can play with someone else.

Money Bag – a woman who will give him money, buy him clothes, pay his car note, etc.

Laundry Bag – a woman who will cook for him, clean his house, do his laundry, run errands, etc.

Travel Bag – a woman that he is cheating on his wife or woman with that lives in another city or town.

Garbage Bag – a woman who will let him do every little dirty or nasty thing sexually to her that his wife or woman won’t do.

Duffel Bag – a woman who pressures him to take her out in public but he only takes her to places where no one who knows him will be able to see him with her.

WOMEN’S BAGS:

Make-up Bag – a guy who she really can’t stand but loves to have sex with. They always fight but she lets him come back to her because he puts down the make-up sex just like she likes it.

Overnight Bag – a guy that she picked up, used for the night, and discarded before daylight. It can also be a guy who she allows to spend the night often, but he has to be gone by morning.

Clutch Bag – a guy she has been holding on to that she knows has another woman. She lets him keep seeing her on the side hoping that one day that he will be all hers.

Shoulder Bag – a guy who she goes to when she is feeling hurt by other men that won’t try to take advantage of her or who she can lean on during tough times.

Doggie Bag – a guy who she uses to take her to dinner and movies.

Gift Bag – a guy who is usually a little nerdy (aka a Simp) that is sweet to her and likes to give her gifts. Every now and then she gives him a little gift of sex to keep him on the hook.

Shopping Bag – a guy who is usually much older and married that she gets money from to shop, pay for vacations, bills, etc.

Once we recognize that we have been placed in a relationship bag, the best thing to do is to get out of it quickly and quietly. The person already knows what they were doing so there is no need to let them know that you know. Just tell them that you can’t see them anymore but leave them guessing as to why. The two rules for holding the upper hand when leaving a bad relationship are: 1) leave first; 2) never let’em see you hurt.

In the discussion thread below, let me know if you recognize that you have been placed in a relationship bag and what you intend to do now that you know. If you want to get married one day, it is important to know everything you need to know BEFORE you do so. Click this link to get a preview of the book https://bit.ly/3kxRrKu

What is Your Level of Financial Literacy?

“Financial freedom is our only hope.” ~ Jay Z

Education is the difference between wealth and poverty. The difference between debt captivity and financial freedom is financial literacy. Building a financial legacy for your family comes down to what you know not who you know. When you have dough it is easier to get to meet whoever you need to know.

Polling data shows that 64% of people say they are either the same or worse off financially under the Trump economy. US census data shows income inequality keeps rising and has reached its highest level in over 50 years. In what appears to be a strong economy due to record stock market numbers, low unemployment and low inflation working people are struggling to acquire the basics of a middle-class lifestyle. The Wall Street Journal reported in an October 1, 2019 article: “The Seven Year Auto Loan: America’s Middle Class can’t Afford its Cars” that even buying a car is out of reach for the majority of people earning middle-class incomes.

One of the issues that are preventing most middle and working class people from making gains financially is due to rising income inequality. As income grows it is only going to the top of the income scale. Another culprit is wages have largely been stagnant since the 1970's with some increases between 2013 and 2017 but then hit a wall in 2018. Other factors include the rising cost of healthcare with an increasing number of families being uninsured along with the rising cost of child care. In what appears on the surface to be a strong economy people are not having children. It is very rare to see the birth rate decline in a strong economy. This indicates that a significant number of people are reporting that they are doing well publicly while they are struggling financially privately.

Despite Trump’s claims of a strong economy the benefits of it have not trickled down to the middle-class. We are seeing an increase in demand for workers but we are not seeing an increase in the power of workers to demand better working conditions and higher wages. The mechanism that normally gave workers bargaining power appears to be broken. I believe this is the crux of the problem with respect to the disconnect between the strong economy and how people are actually fairing financially. People have lost the power to pressure corporations and politicians to bend to their will. This occurred because many union workers gave away their power by voting for republican politicians staunchly when they knew that what republicans always do is work to diminish union worker’s pay and benefits.

The stock market rises and falls on the emotions, perceptions and predictions of its stakeholders. Although the average worker is struggling financially people are reporting that they feel good about the economy which gives added strength to and buoy the stock market. In many ways the individual stockholder has been deluded into believing they are doing well. Then there is the (Joe the Plumber type) republican voter who pretends to be stockholders to create the illusion that they are doing well financially and to justify their support for Trump. During a CNN interview one woman who claims that she voted for Obama and Trump said her reason for continuing to support Trump is that she has seen an increase in her paycheck and her stock portfolio is doing great.

I’m not saying she is a liar but her clothing and speech pattern gives suggests that she more than likely lives in a trailer park in Hillbilly Hamlet. She is apparently not financially literate enough to understand that the Trump administration lowered her marginal tax rate which put more money in her paycheck but that means she will receive a lower tax return at the end of the year. In some cases, it has caused people to owe money to the government. She is also apparently unaware that Trump’s tax cuts for her will expire on December 31, 2025 which means she along with most taxpayers will see a tax hike. At that point the extra money she received in her paycheck will disappear.  

The Federal Reserve Household Economic Survey asked the question: If you had an emergency where you needed $400 immediately, could you meet that emergency? 47% of the respondents said that they could not meet that emergency unless they could borrow the money or sell something. The survey also asked if an unexpected need arose could they raise $2,000 within 30 days and 40% said they could not.

The middle-class in America is struggling financially due to financial illiteracy with many struggling desperately. The average middle-class family has only 3 weeks of household expenses in reserve with some having only as much as 3 days. Middle-class men are secretly suffering from financial impotence (which is described as financial frigidity for women leading families) that is like sexual impotence. Many are going through it but no one is willing to talk about it because it is embarrassing.

Although wages have stagnated since the 1970's people are still earning relatively good incomes. However, those incomes are not actually middle-class. Middle-class income is calculated by dividing the median American income by 2 to determine the low range and multiply by 2 to determine the high end. Median income in 2019 America was $63,000 or $51,000 after taxes. Therefore, the middle-class income range is $31,000 to $126,000. However, the income needed to live a middle-class lifestyle comfortably in America is currently $130,000.

Most people who consider their self to be middle-class don’t have the money to live a middle-class lifestyle so they use debt to make up the difference. Debt allows them to create the illusion that they are swimming in money when in reality they are drowning in interest payments. The average person making $63,000 per year could do better if they knew better. The primary cause of financial impotence is financial illiteracy. People who are financially illiterate pay a heavy price for their illiteracy.  

Does A Woman Making More Money Make More Problems?

Women are now earning more than their husbands in almost 25% of American of households, according to a study by the Pew Research Center.

That means over 5 million married moms are the leading money maker in the marriage. Women are also the leading or solo breadwinners in 40% of households compared to just 11% in 1960.

In homes where women make more money than their men, 71% of the men are also working and they have a median family income of $80,000. 49% of these women have at least a college degree and 67% are between the ages of 30 and 50.

So, the question that emerges from this data which can create controversy is: Does a woman making more money make more problems? Does this ultimately lead to divorce?

The national divorce rate is 53%. Women have been told over and over through movies, magazines, TV, and radio shows that if they make more money than their husband it will lead to divorce. According to a study by Jay Teachman, a sociologist at Western Washington University, published in the October 2010 issue of the Journal of Family Issues, A married couple is only 38% percent more likely to divorce when the wife earns more than the husband. The rate of divorce was only higher when the woman was bringing in 60% or more of the household income.

Statistically, this disproves the commonly held belief that ALL marriages in which the wife earns more are more likely to end in divorce. The rate of divorce in this category is only 38% compared to the overall rate of 53%. To be clear, this really has nothing to do with the money that a woman makes as it is more often about the pride in the man’s heart. It’s the man not the money that makes the difference.

Some guys can totally handle their wife making more money and having greater celebrity than they do. On the other hand, some guys (because of pride, insecurity and immaturity) must have a woman to make them FEEL good. At the same time, they keep the woman they are with felling bad. They need to lord over or feel above her in every way in order to feel good about themselves.

Again, sometimes it is not the money it’s the man. A real man that is secure can handle being in a relationship with Oprah Winfrey, Whitney Houston or Halle Berry. Bobby Brown’s biggest problem is he couldn’t handle Whitney having greater success than he. Bobby could not handle being Mr. Houston. But, let me be Mr. Winfrey! Give me half a chance to be Mr. Berry! Oprah would not just be the richest black woman in America she would end up being the richest person in the world and Halle would own Hollywood.

Some men just know how to help enhance their wife’s potential. Like football coaches they can motivate her to perform beyond her own vision of herself. We see a lot of Halley’s external beauty, for example, but the right “coach” can help her to radiate her creativity and leadership ability. Halley is at the point of her career where she should begin to consider owning her own studio. The right life partner could help her get there.

Having said that I can hear the feminists now: “A woman don’t need a man to become what she wants to be!” That is true. She may not “need” a man to help her but having a good man in her corner would surely make it easier. GOD did not design human beings to be alone. HE said, “It’s not good for man (or woman) to be alone.” Life is easier in every area when we have a good partner to help us get to where we want to be, support us in the effort, and cheer us on when we reach the rough places. Two people with the same heart and mind, working together, will always achieve more than one person working alone.

A man who is the toughest guy on the planet and making millions monthly still needs a warm, soft, loving place to lay his head at the end of a hard day. A woman is a caring being that has to be cared for in order bring out the best that she has in her. While a woman can go into the ring of the business world and fight, just like a man, she still needs to have a good “second” or someone in her corner. No boxer, no matter how good or talented, can win at a high level without having a second in their corner. A woman, even the toughest ones, still needs to have a strong pair of arms to rest in and hold her sometimes. Whether we’d like to admit it or not we all need the support of others. It somehow propels us to higher levels when that person is the same person that we are in love with.

The main reasons I believe a woman making more money than her man may cause a problem is first pride and second a lack of knowledge. Some men just don’t know how to make their wife’s creativity and productivity come through and pride prevents others from doing it when they do. Brothers, women have no problem saying what’s yours is ours so we shouldn’t either! If you are true partners in that relationship, you have to manage ALL the money that comes into the family together.

The only time men have a problem managing the relationship and the money that comes into it is when they don’t know how. Some resort to bullying and coersion when they lack knowledge on how to manage and lead. When we men have a lack of knowledge, the one thing we don’t want anybody to know is that we don’t know. When you don’t know, my brother, you may try to hide it but your woman already knows you don’t know. This creates insecurity in her and makes her keep tighter control on the money. If a man is having difficulty handling a woman who makes more money it is simply because no one ever taught him how to do it. It’s not the fact that the woman makes more money that is the real problem, it's only a symptom. Often, insecurity in the man's mind due to pride or a lack of knowledge is the real issue.

http://drwill911.com/Relationships911.html

Relationship Advice is Best Received from Relationship Professionals

Les Brown, the great motivator from Detroit, whom I respect offered the following statement:

“Don't make someone a priority who has made you an option. This time, take a pass to the front of the line, and make yourself #1 for a change. Whenever you say "yes" to someone else, you automatically say "no" to yourself. Practice the skills of actively creating what you want, protecting what you value, and acting decisively to change what is not working in your life. Today...say "I do" to your own needs, growth, knowledge, and to your dream. Make it non-negotiable to work on your own behalf and your dream every single day. This doesn't mean that you are selfish, or insensitive to the people around you, or the other responsibilities in your life. Learning to say "No" to others and "Yes" to you...allows you to excel by setting appropriate boundaries on your time, energy, and resources. Give yourself a real gift - the freedom to be who you really are, and do what you were meant to do in the world. You were born for GREATNESS...you deserve!!”

Question: Would you go to a car dealer for help after being arrested for DWI? The car dealer knows something about cars and driving but can’t help you with that legal problem. Would you go to a dentist to get an appendix operation? A dentist knows something about surgery but he can’t help you with internal medicine. Then, why would you go to a celebrity or someone other than a relationship professional for relationship advice? Sure, everyone knows “something” about relationships but everyone can’t help you fix the problem like a professional would.

Les Brown’s statement is yet another example that proves people should remain in their professional lane; stick to what they do best. Les is one of THE best motivational speakers on the planet. I love him and have learned a lot from him over many years. However, when it comes to giving relationship advice, he, like all other celebrities, should probably stick to what they do best which is motivating or entertaining.

Les’ statement is beautiful but it creates a great conflict for someone who is currently in a marriage relationship. “Don't make someone a priority who has made you an option” pertains to a person who should be preparing to move out of their current relationship as it has become abusive. However, neither that statement nor everything else he said afterward pertains to someone who is married but may not feel that their needs are being met. Getting one’s needs met in marriage most often only requires communication not separation or demarcation.

If his statement is true, "Whenever you say "yes" to someone else, you automatically say "no" to yourself", then a woman should never say yes to a marriage proposal. That would mean saying yes to marrying him is saying no to herself which is, of course, not true.

Everything else he said here is true but only as it relates to those who have made it a habit to be a door mat for others; to those who are allowing themselves to be abused.

Healthy relationships require personal sacrifice, putting the needs of the other person first, changing from being selfish to selfless and changing from being an individual to being a couple. You cannot “couple” with another person while being focused on yourself.

When BOTH people are giving being selfless a 100% effort, not 50/50, the marriage or relationship will be balanced, both will have their needs met, and the marriage will last.

However, when one person begins to focus solely on what they want or need the relationship will become unbalanced and therefore undone.

Once each person begins to focus on what they want it will create two visions. Then they will begin to focus on where they want to go or do as opposed to where their mate wants to go or do. Two visions always produce division or divided vision in a relationship. Having two visions in one relationship always causes two people to go in two different directions or to take a divided course. The word "divorce" is comprised of the words "divided course". This is why division always leads to divorce. A person who is married that begins to focus on putting themselves first is heading toward divorce.

When we truly love a person it is natural to become unselfish. Love compels us to give the person preference; to put the person we love first. Love requires reciprocity; giving and receiving. There is no love where there is no reciprocity. It is unnatural, therefore, to remain in a relationship where there is no love; to remain with person who is selfish, who is mainly thinking of themselves or who rarely puts you first.

In that case it is natural to shift the focus back to self; to recover your pride and dignity. But in order to focus solely on yourself you will have to leave that relationship and be by yourself.

Too many celebrities are offering books on relationships that are entertaining but do nothing to solve the problems that are leading to the breakdown of the family. Those books generate discussion but what invariably happens is an argument between the sexes ensues, anger arises, the opponents retire to their neutral corners and nothing gets resolved.

The problem with this is there are numerous professionals not as well known as celebrities who have the actual knowledge people really need to repair, build and maintain strong long lasting relationships. However, people don’t select those books or resources because the celebrities create a vacuum in the subject area. People buy their books but find in the long run the advice they offered was cute but not what they needed to correct the problem they are experiencing. Then, they are reluctant to select another book in that genre because they didn’t get what was needed from the celebrity book.

Thus, if you want to be entertained I recommend reading what celebrities have to offer on relationships. However, if you want to actually correct a problem, I strongly suggest that you select a book or seek advice from a true relationship professional.

How to Avoid Bad Relationships

Organizations all over the nation take time in October each year to help women become aware of the dangers of domestic violence. They provide information to help women recognize when they have become a victim of domestic violence and the consequences of remaining in an abusive relationship on themselves and their children.

I take the time in October each year to try to share with women, and men who want to protect their daughters, the information they need to “identify” an abuser when they first meet them. The objective is to arm them with the knowledge they need to “avoid” getting involved with a domestic abuser.

Knowledge is power. If a person has the ability to recognize the enemy when they first encounter them, they can protect themselves from the enemy’s attack. If a woman does not get involved in a relationship with an abuser, he cannot abuse her and she won't become a victim.

 

One of the ways for a person to recognize when they are in an abusive relationship is if an unusual amount of control is present. It is natural for a couple to check-in with each other, to know each person is safe and to protect each other from worry or fear. It is unnatural for one person to try to control another person. Control is the compelling factor in domestic violence. Think of the word "control" (as it relates to domestic abuse) as a type of "possession".

Possession is evil. I can state without hesitation or equivocation that domestic abusers are demonically possessed. Being possessed compels a person to "do their father's will" and attempt to possess or control the person they claim to love. You will know domestic abusers are possessed by an evil entity once you recognize they have TWO personalities; one is very charming, loving and sweet and the other a monster. One is Dr Jekyll and the other Mr. Hyde.

Since a domestic abuser is possessed he or she is easy to identity when you FIRST meet them if you know what to look for. The entity that possesses one abuser is the same in all of them. Therefore, they all do and say the same things.  

Just like the FBI has developed a profile on serial killers, domestic abusers have a profile that makes them easy to identify also.

I love the work organizations do for women who are currently being abused. However, I believe it is better to help you to avoid becoming an abuse victim rather than teaching you how to recover from being abused. Knowing how to identify a domestic abuser when you first encounter them will arm you with the knowledge needed to avoid getting involved with one of them. Trying to escape the controlling clutches of a domestic abuser after you have gotten involved with one can be dangerous to your health and safety. Thus, during Domestic Violence Awareness Month I try to give women the knowledge they need to recognize and reject a domestic abuser when they first meet them.

Is it important to teach victims how to recognize when they are being abused, how to escape the abuser and how to recover? Yes, however, as a man, I would rather protect my mother, sisters, daughters and friends from being abused in the first place.

My audio book "How to Avoid Bad Relationships" shows both men and women how to identify domestic abusers and thus protect themselves as well as their daughters and girlfriends from being taken captive by an abuser. http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/williamcsmallphd

  

How to Win a Man’s Heart

When you think of a man's heart, ladies, you have to think of it in 3 contexts: the heart of the man, the heart of the mind, and the heart of the matter. Most people think about the heart in its 4th context which is the physical heart or blood pump. The physical heart is simply an organ that has no ability to think, decide or contain emotion. Therefore, contrary to what most people think or believe, the physical heart is not the heart of the man a woman should try to win.

The heart of the matter is something men are powerfully oriented toward. When there is a problem issue or decision to be made, we want to get to the bottom line quickly. Not to be crass but this is the reason why a man will try to get a woman to have sex with him soon after meeting her. He is oriented toward getting to her "bottom" quickly. When a woman is trying to lead a man to make a decision, or win him over to her way of thinking, she has to give him concise information (just the facts ma’am) that will help him get to the heart of the matter. Too much verbiage makes a man turn away or want to run way.

The heart of the mind is a man's process center; the place where he makes all of his decisions and the place where he both discovers and stores his "feelings". If you ever ask a man what he "thinks" about a particular subject, he will often preface his response with "I feel...” A man's feelings begin in the heart of his mind not the heart in his chest. If a woman suddenly asks a man "Do you love me?”, he has to first think about it for a minute... or two... or three before he responds. The way that a man "feels" about a woman is strongly correlated with how he "thinks" about her.

Now, women often get angry due to this delayed response and basically say: “Never mind, if you had to think about it that long, don’t worry about it!” Then, they start plotting to leave or look for the next man. The problem here is not entirely his fault. She shares the blame because she never made him or gave him a reason to think about how he feels about her. When men are in a relationship and everything is good he rarely thinks about the future or where the relationship is going as long as it is going good. That is how the average man is wired. Since women are wired to think about the future she has to make sure that he is thinking about having a future with her. She has to be certain that he is not playing the “something better” game. That is, just being with her until something better comes along. The only way to be sure that you are secure in a man’s heart is to get inside of his head.

"They" say the way to a man's heart is through is stomach. THEY are rarely right and THEY are wrong about this one too. The way to a man's heart is through his head. If a woman wants a man to value, desire, and or adore her, she has to get him to think about her. In order to capture a man’s heart, ladies, you have to get into the heart of his mind. The more you get him to think about you the deeper his feelings will become for you. Once you get into the heart of his mind, you will never have to worry about him sharing his d!(% with another chick.

The heart of the man is his "spirit", the real him, his inner nature or inner being. His spirit is the source from which his character and qualities are derived and the place wherein he communicates with GOD. The spirit of a man is his sanctuary. This is where a woman ultimately wants to be. In the warmth of his spirit is where she can rest in peace, comfort and safety because she knows who he really is and what he will and won’t do. Merging of the spirits is how the two actually become one. When a woman has become one with a man in spirit, she no longer has to worry if she can trust him because now she is him and he is her.

In order for a woman to completely win a man’s heart she has to become the only one he thinks of and become one with him in spirit. Then, she will be the only thing in his heart that matters.

Gay Marriage: Christians Need More Teaching

“I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life that both thou and thy seed may live (Deuteronomy 3:19).”

“Then shall they also answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungered, or athirst, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not minister unto thee? Then shall he answer them, saying, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me. And these shall go away into everlasting punishment: but the righteous into life eternal (Matthew 25:44-46).”

GOD has given all of us a free will; a right to choose between life and death.

GOD allows all of us to make choices but we also have to live with the consequences of those choices.

GOD also placed men and women of GOD in the earth to help lead and teach us to make the right choice. The problem is men and women of GOD have a tendency to become contentious with those whom they are supposed to love, lead and teach.

A man who won’t treat you right won’t teach you right.

You cannot lead those whom you do not love.

If you want to lead a person to become righteous, you cannot treat them like they are wretched.

We have all had our bouts in time past with OUR version of sin. Someone loved us, prayed for us and waited for us to come out of sin and they welcomed us into right standing with GOD.

If people REALLY knew what Matthew 7:1 (Judge not lest you be judged) REALLY means, they would know that they have no right to punish or condemn anyone. Our job is simply to love our brothers and sisters in a way that will lead them to righteousness.

Has anyone ever thought about WHY GOD has not killed satan? With all the evil the devil has done and is doing WHY hasn’t GOD killed or taken him out?

It’s because GOD still loves him. Just as with you and me, GOD is yet giving satan a chance to repent.

We have a duty to love those who we believe are going in the wrong direction in life. Like the father of the prodigal son (Luke 15), we have to wait at the side of the road and watch for them to return. Then, we have to both welcome and restore them once they come back.

We will not be able to lead them back to righteousness if we don’t love them while they are wretched.

Should a Woman Ask a Man for a Date?

Jacque Reid, as a reporter for the Tom Joyner Morning Show, interviewed a “matchmaker” who issued a challenge to all single ladies to ask out 10 men by Jan. 1. He said it will increase a woman’s changes of dating and getting into a relationship. He added that 50 percent of the men that a woman asks out will say yes.

I am sure this “matchmaker” can list some long term relationships that resulted from this practice but I can assure you that those relationships will be the exception and not the rule.

The average man already knows the type of woman he is looking for. Ladies, if a man does not summon the courage to walk across the room and ask you for a date, trust me, you are NOT what he was looking for! He is not going to risk the pain of rejection if he does not see you as a prize worth the risk.

Now, if you go over and ask him out, will he go out on dates and have sex with you? Yes! However, he will only do that until the one or the type of woman he is actually looking for comes along. You will get yourself caught up in the "something better game". That is where a man will sleep with you until something better comes along. He will take advantage of the fact that you are trying to be his wife and keep you as a starter in his game until you reach the “play-offs”. That is where the man tries you play you off so that he can be with someone else.

Ladies, if a man is having sex with you and he is not talking about marriage constantly or making plans to get married, he is only interested in having sex. That is it! The truth is MOST men are only interested in marrying a woman that is hard to get.

Here is another truth. Since a man already knows what he is looking for, he will know within a 3-5 month period whether or not you are the one he wants to marry. Therefore, he knows very early what category or file that he will place you in his life: family, friend or freak.

If the man has not begun talking about marriage within 3-5 months, you are NOT in the family file. If you are having sex with him, you are not in the friend file. That means you are in the freak file. The farthest you will go in this relationship is from sex dish to discarded; from sex to angry baby daddy. That's it!

A woman who pursues men, in a man’s mind, is either easy or desperate. The average man does not get involved with either of those types thinking of her as a keeper (keep-her). A man will date and have sex with her but marriage is more than likely out of the question.

Any guy who tries to convince any woman otherwise is telling lies. On the other hand, he may be sincere but he is sincerely wrong. One thing is certain though, the type of guy who would try to convince a woman that throwing herself at a man is wise is not a man but rather a man-sized boy. A man-sized boy will take an aggressive woman for a toss in the hay but then he will toss her away.

Of course, there are exceptions to the rule. However, if you operate in my advice as a general rule, you are less likely to be hurt trying to get love from a big boy who is only interested in sex.

Why are Men not in a Hurry to get married?

While there are many more, the following are the 4 MAIN reasons why men are not in a hurry to get married: 1) they already receive all the benefits of marriage; 2) fear of the unknown and a lack of knowledge; 3) they are playing the “something better” game; and 4) women are not demanding a commitment.

First, men are not in a hurry to get married because they already receive the benefits of marriage. Too many women perform the duties of a wife for men they are not married to. Men receive sex along with cooking, cleaning, laundry and other services without having to make a marriage commitment.

Second, when it comes to marriage, men have a fear of the unknown and high anxiety due to a lack of knowledge. In today’s society wherein there is an overwhelming level of broken families and an underwhelming lack of father figures for boys as they grow into men, men are fearful over whether or not they will have a marriage that works. They also know, whether or not they will admit it and despite how well their mother’s claim they prepared them, that they don’t really have the knowledge a man needs to build and maintain a successful family.

Third, SOME men are dating a woman whom they refuse to marry in opposition to discussions initiated by the woman because she is not the woman he wants to marry. Although he likes the sex and enjoys the wifely benefits, he is playing the “something better” game. That is, he will remain with her until the type of woman wants comes along or the specific woman that he really wants is ready to be with him.

Fourth, men do not have to rush into marriage because women today do not demand a commitment. There are a plethora of reasons why women are reluctant to demand a commitment which I will address in a separate article. However, some don’t want the man to feel pressured, some want to be sure that they are truly loved by ensuring the marriage proposal is completely his idea and some women are themselves fearful of the unknown and have anxiety due to a lack of knowledge. Since many women do not appear ready to get married, men are not likely to propose a wedding.

Women who really want to marry must set a deadline for action. If they have already been together for a year or more, the woman should set a date certain for the man to propose. By that date the man must have made the proposal and planned a short wedding date. Otherwise, the woman must take her losses and move on. Life is short. Any time we spend with someone is time from our lives that once past we will never get back. Therefore, we should not waste our life with someone that does not really love us or place a high value on our life.

Dr Will is the author of “Relationships 911: Surviving Love’s Emergencies” http://www.drwill911.com

AVOIDING CHAOS IN RELATIONSHIPS

The second law of Thermodynamics is entropy: the tendency of all things to descend into chaos. Relationships left unattended or not given the proper attention tend to experience entropy or descend into chaos.

If an apple is left on a counter and not used the way it was designed to be used, it will rot. Rotting is a form of entropy. When an apple is allowed to sit on a counter and rot, not only will the apple be damaged, it will also damage the area of the counter where it was sitting. The rotted apple must be cleaned up and the damaged counter will have to be repaired.

If a man leaves his wife unattended, does not give her proper attention or properly utilize her mind, gifts, talents and abilities their marriage will experience entropy. If a woman does not give her husband proper attention, their relationship will descend into disorder or chaos. Not only will this create mental and/or emotional damage but some other man or woman will have to clean up the mess that was made.

Unfortunately, the person who takes on the responsibility of cleaning up another man or woman’s mess will be subject to the law of excruciation. This law requires that whenever a thing creates damage or an imbalance in the earth, that thing or a like thing must experience pain or suffer the consequences of repairing the damage or restoring balance. The law of excruciation requires one person to experience pain or suffer consequences due to the actions of another.

The law of excruciation is the reason Jesus had to suffer the painful death of crucifixion. If Jesus had to die for our sins, why couldn’t He just die peacefully in His sleep? Why did He suffer so painfully? The reason Jesus had to experience that pain was to suffer the consequences for the mess that Adam made. Women experience painful menstruation even today because they are still suffering the consequences of the mess that Eve made.

Thus, the man or woman who opts to enter into a relationship with someone who just left a messy relationship will often have to suffer pain as a result of what another person either did or did not do. If he or she starts to get involved but it becomes too painful to finish, that relationship will end in chaos.

Relationships can also experience chaos when a spouse or partner is not used the way they were designed by GOD to be utilized. Each person was given life to complete a specific mission or fulfill a unique purpose. We each were given inherent knowledge, gifts, talents and/or abilities to assist us in completing that mission or fulfilling that purpose. Our life, gifts, etc were given to assist our spouse in fulfilling their purpose as well.

Before we enter into a long term or marital relationship we must already be aware of our own mission or purpose and have already identified our associated knowledge, gift, talent or ability. We must know if the mission or purpose the person we intend to become involved with will complement ours. If two people have divergent missions, they will embark upon different courses and eventually go in separate directions. The word divorce is comprised of the words “divided course”. A couple on a divided course will naturally split apart. Relationships enter chaos when couples are no longer “going together”.

Finally, avoiding chaos in relationships requires us to have knowledge about the GOD ordained purpose of men or women as a gender. Men were designed by GOD to lead whereas women were designed by GOD to help, to be a help meet or to help men meet their obligations to GOD. Most women have an inherent desire to help men which, for example, is why so many allow men who don’t work to live with them. Men have to understand that it is in a woman’s nature to want to help. Brothers, you must let your wife or woman help by properly utilizing her mind, gifts, talents and abilities. If you don’t, the relationship will enter chaos. Women must understand that men have an inherent desire to lead. Ladies, while you may be able to do everything better than your man, you must allow him to lead. If not, the relationship will descend into chaos. When a man can’t lead you he won’t love you.

The Bible says “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge.” Relationships are destroyed for the same reason. Those who want to keep their relationships out of chaos must get the knowledge they need to keep them together in proper order.

Dr Will is the author of "Relationships 911: Surviving Love's Emergencies" http://www.drwill911.com/