Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Does a woman making more money make more problems?

Posts by members of my Face Book group page Relationships 911 inspired me to post this blog.

When expressing their views about men’s abilities and deficiencies, women must adjust their rhetoric to recognize the difference between a man and a man-sized boy.

The real men in every community work every day. Their job may be in an area that most women would not consider the professional class, such as a janitor or garbage man, but they go to work every day. Contrary to popular belief anyone that does anything that they get paid for on a regular basis is a professional. Every man who goes to work and gets paid for his work is a professional. At times when real men are unemployed, they make their job finding a job. They leave home at 8AM and don’t return until 5PM. Real men know how to be responsible financially because they have learned to be response able.

Man-sized boys on the other hand are adult in physical size but mentally and emotionally have not grown past the age of 12 or 13. Thus, they have a penchant for playing kid’s video games and doing other kid like things. These big boys have learned the art of manipulating women from spending too much time with mama. The common characteristics of a man-sized boy are: charming, funny, cute and know how to make a woman feel that she is needed.

Most women who commonly complain about men tend to consistently pick one of these big boys over a real man to have a relationship with. They continue to pick one adult-sized adolescent after another until they get tired of taking care of an over grown kid. Then they begin to look for a man that is going to be a man.

As a result of the abuse that they had to deal with from the man-sized boys, these women tend to mistreat or abuse a real man when she finds one. Ultimately, he walks away because he is too much of a man to allow a woman to treat him like a boy. She becomes even more jaded where men are concerned because the bad men in her life have to be kicked out and the good men just walk out.

A man-sized boy always has a dream of being famous and he wants his woman to taken care of and cater to him until he “makes it”. Once she grows weary of carrying all of the financial responsibility and asks him to kick in or get kicked out that is when he lashes out. Then, she will have to call the police to have them put him out. Man-sized boys bounce from woman to woman and back home to mama in between women. These NINJAs (No Income No Job or Assets) sneak out at night wearing all black looking to find some woman who is willing to take care of them. But he often leaves them with more babies than they had before him.

The man-sized boy can handle a woman having more money as long as she is giving him all that he wants. A real man does not have a problem with a woman having more money when he is secure in his manhood. Men who are not mature or secure will complicate a relationship when his woman makes more money that he does. The difference in success or failure of a relationship where the woman earns more money has to do with the man.

The national divorce rate is 53%. Women have been told over and over through movies, magazines, TV, and radio shows that if they make more money than their husband it will lead to divorce. According to a study by Jay Teachman, a sociologist at Western Washington University, published in the October 2010 issue of the Journal of Family Issues, A married couple is only 38% percent more likely to divorce when the wife earns more than the husband. The rate of divorce was only higher when the woman was bringing in 60% or more of the household income. Statistically, this disproves the commonly held belief that ALL marriages in which the wife earns more are more likely to end in divorce. The rate of divorce in this category is only 38% compared to the overall rate of 53%. To be clear, this really has nothing to do with the money that a woman makes as it is more often about the pride in the man’s heart. It’s the man, not the money, that makes the difference.

Some guys can totally handle their wife making more money and having greater celebrity than they do. On the other hand, some guys (because of their pride) must have a woman to make them FEEL good. At the same time, they keep women they are with felling bad. They need to lord over or feel like they are above her in every way in order to feel good about themselves.

Again, sometimes it is not the money it’s the man. A real man that is secure in his manhood can handle being in a relationship with Oprah Winfrey, Whitney Houston or Halle Berry. Bobby Brown’s biggest problem is he couldn’t handle Whitney having greater success than he. Bobby could not handle being Mr. Houston. But, let me be Mr. Winfrey! Give me half a chance to be Mr. Houston or Mr. Berry! Oprah would not just be the richest black woman in America she would end up being the richest person in the world. Whitney would actually hit those high notes again. Halle would own Hollywood.

Some men just know how to maximize another person’s potential. Like football coaches they can motivate a person to perform beyond their own vision of themselves. We see a lot of Halley’s external beauty, for example, but the right “coach” can help her to radiate her inner beauty, creativity, and leadership ability. Halley is at the point of her career where she should begin to consider owning her own studio. The right life partner could help her get there.

On the other hand, many men just don’t know what to do to make their wife’s creativity and productivity come through. I believe the single major factor that causes the majority of marriages to end is a lack of knowledge. The biggest problem men have that don’t know is, we don’t want anybody to know that we don’t know. If a man is having difficulty handling a woman who makes more money it is simply because no one ever taught him how to do it. It’s not the money it’s the man that makes the difference.

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Tuesday, February 1, 2011

WHAT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP BAG?

In today’s dating reality most relationships are only temporary. We begin dating with the exciting feeling that this new person could be “the one”. Ultimately we settle into the reality that they are just another one; someone alright to be with until we find the one.

In the mean time we use that person for whatever they can do to benefit us. The time in between recognizing the person we are dating is not the one and finding the one is “the mean time”. The mean time is where we are relatively mean or heartless to the person we are dealing with because we know there is no real chance for lasting love. But we use them because we need someone to be with “in the mean time”. We need someone to fulfill certain needs that we have so we carry this person in a certain type of bag based on what they can do for us. Both men and women have various bags which they carry someone in that they may like but don’t really love.

So, the question is: What is your relationship bag? What bag have you placed the person you are currently seeing in? More importantly, what bag have they placed you in? The list below may help you recognize which trick bag you’ve been placed in.

MEN’S BAGS:
Mail Bag – a woman who he can stay with or have his mail sent to her house after another woman or his mama kicked him out.

Gym Bag – a woman who he pretends to care for but he is only playing the something better game. That is, he will use her for sex until something better comes along. At the end of the season she makes it to the play offs. But that is when he tries to play her off so that he can play with someone else.

Money Bag – a woman who will give him money, buy him clothes, pay his car note, etc.

Laundry Bag – a woman who will cook for him, clean his house, do his laundry, run errands, etc.

Travel Bag – a woman that he is cheating on his wife or woman with that lives in another city or town.

Garbage Bag – a woman who will let him do every little dirty or nasty thing sexually to her that his wife or woman won’t do.

Duffel Bag – a woman who pressures him to take her out in public but he takes her to places where no one who knows him will be able to see him with her.

WOMEN’S BAGS:
Make-up Bag – a guy who she really can’t stand but loves to have sex with. They always fight but she lets him come back to her because he puts down the make-up sex just like she likes it.

Overnight Bag – a guy that she picked up, used for the night, and discarded before daylight. It can also be a guy who she allows to spend the night, but he has to be gone by morning.

Clutch Bag – a guy she has been holding on to that she knows has another woman. But she lets him keep seeing her on the side hoping one day that he will be all hers.

Shoulder Bag – a guy who she goes to when she is feeling hurt that won’t try to take advantage of her or who she can lean on during tough times.

Doggie Bag – a guy who she uses to take her to dinner and movies.

Gift Bag – a guy who is usually a little nerdy that is sweet to her and likes to give her gifts. Every now and then she gives him a little gift of sex to keep him on the hook.

Shopping Bag – a guy who is usually much older and married that she will get money from to shop, pay for vacations, bills, etc.

Once we recognize that we have been placed in a relationship bag, the best thing to do is to get out of it quickly and quietly. The person already knows what they were doing so there is no need to let them know that you know. Just tell them that you can’t see them anymore but leave them guessing as to why. The two rules for holding the upper hand when leaving a bad relationship are: 1) leave first; 2) never let’em see you hurt.

In the discussion thread below, let me know if you recognize that you have been placed in a relationship bag and what you intend to do now that you know.