Saturday, June 18, 2011

Rearing Boys is a Man’s Responsibility

In preparation for Father’s Day, I posted the following on Facebook: “Happy Daddy’s Day to all the REAL Dad’s... any man who provides the seed to create a child can be a “father”... but it takes a real man to be a daddy... a daddy is there for a child day in and day out and will be there to the end through thick and thin whether he provided the seed to create that child or not.... to those men who provided the seed and just walked away, this Sunday is Shame On You Day!”

A woman responded with this: “To the men who provided the seed and walked away, I have compassion for you. I cannot judge your heart or know why you walked…”

Ladies, a woman has NO right to show compassion for a man who makes the decision to walk away from another woman’s children!

A man has no right to walk away from his children under any circumstances short of a court order to stay away. No matter how crazy or hard to get along with the mother may be it is the father's responsibility to overcome that obstacle and do what is necessary to properly raise his children.

“But if any man provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel (1 Timothy 5:8).”

GOD is saying that a man who does not take care of his children is worse than a heathen. It appears that GOD takes this man’s failure to take care of his children as a PERSONAL affront to HIM which is sin. 1 Timothy 5:20-21 says “Them that sin rebuke before all, that others also may fear. I charge thee before God, and the Lord Jesus Christ, and the elect angels, that thou observe these things without preferring one before another, doing nothing by partiality.”

EVERY man regardless of the situation or circumstances who fails to actively involve himself in raising his children MUST be rebuked and NOT given compassion or an excuse so they can “feel” good or “be encouraged” while they are being disobedient to GOD and a disservice to their community. If a man does not raise his children, the community will have to PAY the consequence of his absence!

When a man does not take responsibility for raising his children another man MUST judge him.

“Do ye not know that the saints shall judge the world? and if the world shall be judged by you, are ye unworthy to judge the smallest matters? Know ye not that we shall judge angels? how much more things that pertain to this life? If then ye have judgments of things pertaining to this life, set them to judge who are least esteemed in the church. I speak to your shame. Is it so, that there is not a wise man among you? no, not one that shall be able to judge between his brethren (1 Corinthians 6:2-5)?”

That nonsense that WE are NOT supposed to judge one another is NOT according to the word of GOD! We must judge one another with the intent to correct wrong behavior but not with the intent to punish or condemn each other.

It is a man’s responsibility to judge the improper actions of a boy otherwise he will never learn to be a man and he won’t be fit to marry another man’s daughter. This is one of the MAIN things that women must understand when raising male children. A failure to understand how to properly raise male children is the reason why we see so many weak, irresponsible, nonproductive effeminate boys in the black community.

When a man is dealing with the improper actions of a boy, a woman MUST NOT to step in and try to relieve that boy from the pain of correction that he must receive. If a man is telling him that he is dead wrong, a woman cannot come along and try to soothe his pain by saying “I have compassion for you. I cannot judge your heart…” No ma’am! He needs no compassion and he must be judged. A man’s words and actions reveal the content of his heart. It is a man’s job, therefore, to teach a boy plainly that his actions reveals the content of his heart and to teach him the impact his actions will have on the community at-large.

Google ANY study on fatherlessness and you will find that it, more than any other anomaly, produces death, crime, poverty and a lack of productivity in a community.

A study by the Institute on Assests and Social Policy at Brandeis University reveals children born outside of marriage have life stacked against them and are more likely to experience:
  • Retarded cognitive (especially verbal) development;
  • Lower educational achievement;
  • Lower job attainment;
  • Increased behavior and emotional problems;
  • Lower impulse control; and
  • Reduced social development.
These children are far more likely to:
  • Engage in early sexual activity;
  • Have children out of wedlock;
  • Be on welfare as adults; and
  • Engage in criminal activity.
The absence of married parents is related to slower development in early childhood. A study of black infants (aged 5 to 6 months) living in poorer households found that male infants who experienced "minimal interaction with their fathers" had significantly lower levels of overall mental development and lower social responsiveness.

Children without fathers:
-   tend to have lower cognitive development
-   have problems in controlling activity (ADHD).
-   exhibit problems in learning
-   more likely to have emotional and behavioral problems during childhood. These problems include:

Antisocial behavior: disobedience in school, cheating and lying; bullying and cruelty to others; breaking things deliberately; failure to feel sorry alter misbehaving;

Hyperactive behavior: difficulty concentrating or paying attention; becoming easily confused; acting without thinking; being restless or overactive;

Headstrong behavior: easily losing one's temper; being stubborn, irritable, disobedient at home; arguing excessively;

Peer conflict: having trouble getting along with others, being not liked, being withdrawn;

Dependent behavior: crying too much, being too dependent on others, demanding attention, clinging to adults.

Boys raised by never-married mothers have significantly higher levels of these behavior problems than girls. Boys:
-   have less ability to delay gratification
-   poorer impulse control over anger and sexual activity
-   have a weaker sense of conscience or sense of right and wrong
-   educational attainment was cut by one-tenth of a year for each year spent as a child in a single-parent home
-   have lower job and salary attainment

Boys that are educated and healthy are the primary predictor of future productivity and protection for a community. Without their productivity it perpetuates poverty and permits a climate of predatory activity against women and children in a community. Boys that are educated and healthy will have had their father or men in the family and community leading and guiding them into productivity. This is NOT to suggest that his mother or the women did not play a role. But while a boy can be led by his mother to stay out of trouble, finish school and find a good job, without a strong male presence in his life, he will never be whole. He will always know internally that he is missing something that he should have received paternally.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Who R you and Where R you Going?

A person’s true destiny never conflicts with who they are in their inner being. We cannot come into the knowledge of our destiny until we know our true identity. The reason the average person has difficulty determining their identity is due to unresolved conflict in their inner being. Internal conflict or disagreement within their own selves (body, mind and spirit) prevents people from discovering their true identity.

Internal conflict often arises as a result of personal trauma, pain or abuse that occurred early in our lives. Some of us cannot see who we really are because we were told by those who were close or important to us that we were bad, no good or just like our worthless daddy during our formative years. Others cannot come into the knowledge of our true identity because we were physically or sexually abused. The physical abuse creates persistent confusion internally over why we weren’t loved by those who were supposed to love us.

Physically abused children often become adults who struggle to find their identity because in trying to find who they are they attempt to disassociate themselves with that child who was abused. Then there are those who were sexually abused that also try to separate themselves from the tiny personality that experienced the trauma and pain of being abused sexually. Sexually abused children often become adults who hide the internal shame they feel because of the pleasure they experienced in the course of being abused. They know old uncle Charlie wasn’t supposed to touch them that way. They are angry that he did that to them but at the same time they feel shame because it felt good.  Conflict and confusion as to why it felt good cause young boys who were abused by a man speculate that they must be gay. Conflict and confusion over the pleasure makes some young women feel perverse. They sometimes conclude that something must be wrong with them or that their only personal value is associated with their bodies.

Pain is what we experience when an event is occurring. Suffering is what we experience long after the painful event has passed as we continue to relive the event over and over in our minds. Suffering causes internal conflict. The suffering must cease and that internal conflict must be resolved in order for a person to discover who they really are and where they are destined to go.

We have to reconcile with the suffering to cause it to end. There has to be forgiveness for the perpetrator for what they did and we have to forgive ourselves of the blame and shame that we place on ourselves as a result of it. There has to be an internal atonement (at-one-ment) with GOD for the sin consciousness, guilt or shame that we continue to carry. It has to be cast aside and we must get free of that mental space where we kept ourselves captive so that we can move on; go and grow. No one, not even GOD, can do this for us. We have to do it ourselves. Then we can stop doing the things we used to do, saying the things we said (particularly about ourselves) and thinking the things we thought. If we want to know who GOD intended us to be or our true identity, our mind, actions and words must become one. The key to resolving internal conflict lies in making what we do, say and think agree. Our mind, body and spirit must agree that whatever happened is just something that happened to us, it is NOT who we are!

The things that we do, say and think emerge from the core of our being and reveal the essence of who we really are. Those three are analogous to the body, spirit and mind respectively. The conflicts of life arrive when what we do, say and think do not agree or when our body, spirit and mind (which are separate entities like the Trinity; three but One) are in conflict constantly. Jesus said “How can two walk together except they agree?” We cannot have peace or harmony in the world or reach our GOD ordained destiny when our entities, that is, our selves or our mind, body and spirit, are in constant conflict. Thus our lives will be perpetually stormy and we will continually experience lack and poverty even in the midst of great prosperity.

Internal conflict causes us to act contrary to the will of GOD for our lives (aka sin) and thereby leads us away from our destiny. Reconciling this conflict is in actuality what Hebrews 10:25 “forsake not the assembly of ourSELVES together” was attempting to teach us before someone interpreted it as a command to “go” to church. That verse, when kept in context with the chapter, is teaching us to refrain from sin. Refraining from sin will prepare us to discover our identity and fulfill our destiny. The key to refraining from sin is resolving the conflict between mind, body and spirit within. Our mind, body and spirit are actually separate “selves” within us that each have their own wants and desires which attempt to make their own decisions. Thus the exhortation from GOD was to “assemble ourSELVES”;  to bring the mind, body and spirit (our inner “selves”) into harmony internally and in harmony with HIS word. This is affirmed by Romans 12:1-2.

“I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” 

Neither Hebrews 10:25 nor Romans 12:1-2 is something that GOD is going to do for us. We must do them on our own. “And every man that hath this hope in him purifieth HIMSELF, even as he [My note: Jesus] is pure (1 John 3:3).”

It is imperative that we complete or fulfill the purpose that GOD sent us here to accomplish. That is the only way that we will hear “Well done thy good and faithful servant; enter ye into the joy of the Lord.” Therefore, it is critical that we not forsake the assembly of ourselves together. Our mind, body and spirit must agree or come into harmonic accord in order to find out our true identity and discover our GOD ordained destiny. Assembling our mind, body and spirit in unity will put our hearts in symphonic tune with the earth and the universe. Being in tune with the earth and universe gives us the ability to hear the melodic voice of GOD clearly, helps us to discover our true identity and gives GOD the authority to lead us into our destiny.

Those who don’t know who they really are and where they are going in life will have difficulty maintaining long lasting relationships. When we don’t know who we are there will always be people who will try to make us into what they want us to be. If we don’t know our true destiny there will always be people who will try to lead us to go with them or follow their vision. It will be difficult to continue to go along and get along with those people once we realize they were taking advantage of our uncertainty of who we are and where we should be. Ultimately, if we remain uncertain of our identity or destiny we will encounter other people who will also take advantage of us in some way. The cycle will continue until we come into the knowledge of who we are and where we are destined by GOD to be. Once we understand who we R it will be easy to determine where we R going.