Sunday, October 30, 2011

Why are Men not in a Hurry to get married?

While there are many more, the following are the 4 MAIN reasons why men are not in a hurry to get married: 1) they already receive all the benefits of marriage; 2) fear of the unknown and a lack of knowledge; 3) they are playing the “something better” game; and 4) women are not demanding a commitment.

First, men are not in a hurry to get married because they already receive the benefits of marriage. Too many women perform the duties of a wife for men they are not married to. Men receive sex along with cooking, cleaning, laundry and other services without having to make a marriage commitment.

Second, when it comes to marriage, men have a fear of the unknown and high anxiety due to a lack of knowledge. In today’s society wherein there is an overwhelming level of broken families and an underwhelming lack of father figures for boys as they grow into men, men are fearful over whether or not they will have a marriage that works. They also know, whether or not they will admit it and despite how well their mother’s claim they prepared them, that they don’t really have the knowledge a man needs to build and maintain a successful family.

Third, SOME men are dating a woman whom they refuse to marry in opposition to discussions initiated by the woman because she is not the woman he wants to marry. Although he likes the sex and enjoys the wifely benefits, he is playing the “something better” game. That is, he will remain with her until the type of woman wants comes along or the specific woman that he really wants is ready to be with him.

Fourth, men do not have to rush into marriage because women today do not demand a commitment. There are a plethora of reasons why women are reluctant to demand a commitment which I will address in a separate article. However, some don’t want the man to feel pressured, some want to be sure that they are truly loved by ensuring the marriage proposal is completely his idea and some women are themselves fearful of the unknown and have anxiety due to a lack of knowledge. Since many women do not appear ready to get married, men are not likely to propose a wedding.

Women who really want to marry must set a deadline for action. If they have already been together for a year or more, the woman should set a date certain for the man to propose. By that date the man must have made the proposal and planned a short wedding date. Otherwise, the woman must take her losses and move on. Life is short. Any time we spend with someone is time from our lives that once past we will never get back. Therefore, we should not waste our life with someone that does not really love us or place a high value on our life.

Dr Will is the author of “Relationships 911: Surviving Love’s Emergencies”

Thursday, October 20, 2011


The second law of Thermodynamics is entropy: the tendency of all things to descend into chaos. Relationships left unattended or not given the proper attention tend to experience entropy or descend into chaos.

If an apple is left on a counter and not used the way it was designed to be used, it will rot. Rotting is a form of entropy. When an apple is allowed to sit on a counter and rot, not only will the apple be damaged, it will also damage the area of the counter where it was sitting. The rotted apple must be cleaned up and the damaged counter will have to be repaired.

If a man leaves his wife unattended, does not give her proper attention or properly utilize her mind, gifts, talents and abilities their marriage will experience entropy. If a woman does not give her husband proper attention, their relationship will descend into disorder or chaos. Not only will this create mental and/or emotional damage but some other man or woman will have to clean up the mess that was made.

Unfortunately, the person who takes on the responsibility of cleaning up another man or woman’s mess will be subject to the law of excruciation. This law requires that whenever a thing creates damage or an imbalance in the earth, that thing or a like thing must experience pain or suffer the consequences of repairing the damage or restoring balance. The law of excruciation requires one person to experience pain or suffer consequences due to the actions of another.

The law of excruciation is the reason Jesus had to suffer the painful death of crucifixion. If Jesus had to die for our sins, why couldn’t He just die peacefully in His sleep? Why did He suffer so painfully? The reason Jesus had to experience that pain was to suffer the consequences for the mess that Adam made. Women experience painful menstruation even today because they are still suffering the consequences of the mess that Eve made.

Thus, the man or woman who opts to enter into a relationship with someone who just left a messy relationship will often have to suffer pain as a result of what another person either did or did not do. If he or she starts to get involved but it becomes too painful to finish, that relationship will end in chaos.

Relationships can also experience chaos when a spouse or partner is not used the way they were designed by GOD to be utilized. Each person was given life to complete a specific mission or fulfill a unique purpose. We each were given inherent knowledge, gifts, talents and/or abilities to assist us in completing that mission or fulfilling that purpose. Our life, gifts, etc were given to assist our spouse in fulfilling their purpose as well.

Before we enter into a long term or marital relationship we must already be aware of our own mission or purpose and have already identified our associated knowledge, gift, talent or ability. We must know if the mission or purpose the person we intend to become involved with will complement ours. If two people have divergent missions, they will embark upon different courses and eventually go in separate directions. The word divorce is comprised of the words “divided course”. A couple on a divided course will naturally split apart. Relationships enter chaos when couples are no longer “going together”.

Finally, avoiding chaos in relationships requires us to have knowledge about the GOD ordained purpose of men or women as a gender. Men were designed by GOD to lead whereas women were designed by GOD to help, to be a help meet or to help men meet their obligations to GOD. Most women have an inherent desire to help men which, for example, is why so many allow men who don’t work to live with them. Men have to understand that it is in a woman’s nature to want to help. Brothers, you must let your wife or woman help by properly utilizing her mind, gifts, talents and abilities. If you don’t, the relationship will enter chaos. Women must understand that men have an inherent desire to lead. Ladies, while you may be able to do everything better than your man, you must allow him to lead. If not, the relationship will descend into chaos. When a man can’t lead you he won’t love you.

The Bible says “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge.” Relationships are destroyed for the same reason. Those who want to keep their relationships out of chaos must get the knowledge they need to keep them together in proper order.

Dr Will is the author of "Relationships 911: Surviving Love's Emergencies"