Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Does A Woman Making More Money Make More Problems?

Women are now earning more than their husbands in almost 25% of American of households, according to a study by the Pew Research Center.

That means over 5 million married moms are the leading money maker in the marriage. Women are also the leading or solo breadwinners in 40% of households compared to just 11% in 1960.

In homes where women make more money than their men, 71% of the men are also working and they have a median family income of $80,000. 49% of these women have at least a college degree and 67% are between the ages of 30 and 50.

So, the question that emerges from this data which can create controversy is: Does a woman making more money make more problems? Does this ultimately lead to divorce?

The national divorce rate is 53%. Women have been told over and over through movies, magazines, TV, and radio shows that if they make more money than their husband it will lead to divorce. According to a study by Jay Teachman, a sociologist at Western Washington University, published in the October 2010 issue of the Journal of Family Issues, A married couple is only 38% percent more likely to divorce when the wife earns more than the husband. The rate of divorce was only higher when the woman was bringing in 60% or more of the household income.

Statistically, this disproves the commonly held belief that ALL marriages in which the wife earns more are more likely to end in divorce. The rate of divorce in this category is only 38% compared to the overall rate of 53%. To be clear, this really has nothing to do with the money that a woman makes as it is more often about the pride in the man’s heart. It’s the man not the money that makes the difference.

Some guys can totally handle their wife making more money and having greater celebrity than they do. On the other hand, some guys (because of pride, insecurity and immaturity) must have a woman to make them FEEL good. At the same time, they keep the woman they are with felling bad. They need to lord over or feel above her in every way in order to feel good about themselves.

Again, sometimes it is not the money it’s the man. A real man that is secure can handle being in a relationship with Oprah Winfrey, Whitney Houston or Halle Berry. Bobby Brown’s biggest problem is he couldn’t handle Whitney having greater success than he. Bobby could not handle being Mr. Houston. But, let me be Mr. Winfrey! Give me half a chance to be Mr. Berry! Oprah would not just be the richest black woman in America she would end up being the richest person in the world and Halle would own Hollywood.

Some men just know how to help enhance their wife’s potential. Like football coaches they can motivate her to perform beyond her own vision of herself. We see a lot of Halley’s external beauty, for example, but the right “coach” can help her to radiate her creativity and leadership ability. Halley is at the point of her career where she should begin to consider owning her own studio. The right life partner could help her get there.

Having said that I can hear the feminists now: “A woman don’t need a man to become what she wants to be!” That is true. She may not “need” a man to help her but having a good man in her corner would surely make it easier. GOD did not design human beings to be alone. HE said, “It’s not good for man (or woman) to be alone.” Life is easier in every area when we have a good partner to help us get to where we want to be, support us in the effort, and cheer us on when we reach the rough places. Two people with the same heart and mind, working together, will always achieve more than one person working alone.

A man who is the toughest guy on the planet and making millions monthly still needs a warm, soft, loving place to lay his head at the end of a hard day. A woman is a caring being that has to be cared for in order bring out the best that she has in her. While a woman can go into the ring of the business world and fight, just like a man, she still needs to have a good “second” or someone in her corner. No boxer, no matter how good or talented, can win at a high level without having a second in their corner. A woman, even the toughest ones, still needs to have a strong pair of arms to rest in and hold her sometimes. Whether we’d like to admit it or not we all need the support of others. It somehow propels us to higher levels when that person is the same person that we are in love with.

The main reasons I believe a woman making more money than her man may cause a problem is first pride and second a lack of knowledge. Some men just don’t know how to make their wife’s creativity and productivity come through and pride prevents others from doing it when they do. Brothers, women have no problem saying what’s yours is ours so we shouldn’t either! If you are true partners in that relationship, you have to manage ALL the money that comes into the family together.

The only time men have a problem managing the relationship and the money that comes into it is when they don’t know how. Some resort to bullying and coersion when they lack knowledge on how to manage and lead. When we men have a lack of knowledge, the one thing we don’t want anybody to know is that we don’t know. When you don’t know, my brother, you may try to hide it but your woman already knows you don’t know. This creates insecurity in her and makes her keep tighter control on the money. If a man is having difficulty handling a woman who makes more money it is simply because no one ever taught him how to do it. It’s not the fact that the woman makes more money that is the real problem, it's only a symptom. Often, insecurity in the man's mind due to pride or a lack of knowledge is the real issue.