Saturday, June 18, 2011

Rearing Boys is a Man’s Responsibility

In preparation for Father’s Day, I posted the following on Facebook: “Happy Daddy’s Day to all the REAL Dad’s... any man who provides the seed to create a child can be a “father”... but it takes a real man to be a daddy... a daddy is there for a child day in and day out and will be there to the end through thick and thin whether he provided the seed to create that child or not.... to those men who provided the seed and just walked away, this Sunday is Shame On You Day!”

A woman responded with this: “To the men who provided the seed and walked away, I have compassion for you. I cannot judge your heart or know why you walked…”

Ladies, a woman has NO right to show compassion for a man who makes the decision to walk away from another woman’s children!

A man has no right to walk away from his children under any circumstances short of a court order to stay away. No matter how crazy or hard to get along with the mother may be it is the father's responsibility to overcome that obstacle and do what is necessary to properly raise his children.

“But if any man provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel (1 Timothy 5:8).”

GOD is saying that a man who does not take care of his children is worse than a heathen. It appears that GOD takes this man’s failure to take care of his children as a PERSONAL affront to HIM which is sin. 1 Timothy 5:20-21 says “Them that sin rebuke before all, that others also may fear. I charge thee before God, and the Lord Jesus Christ, and the elect angels, that thou observe these things without preferring one before another, doing nothing by partiality.”

EVERY man regardless of the situation or circumstances who fails to actively involve himself in raising his children MUST be rebuked and NOT given compassion or an excuse so they can “feel” good or “be encouraged” while they are being disobedient to GOD and a disservice to their community. If a man does not raise his children, the community will have to PAY the consequence of his absence!

When a man does not take responsibility for raising his children another man MUST judge him.

“Do ye not know that the saints shall judge the world? and if the world shall be judged by you, are ye unworthy to judge the smallest matters? Know ye not that we shall judge angels? how much more things that pertain to this life? If then ye have judgments of things pertaining to this life, set them to judge who are least esteemed in the church. I speak to your shame. Is it so, that there is not a wise man among you? no, not one that shall be able to judge between his brethren (1 Corinthians 6:2-5)?”

That nonsense that WE are NOT supposed to judge one another is NOT according to the word of GOD! We must judge one another with the intent to correct wrong behavior but not with the intent to punish or condemn each other.

It is a man’s responsibility to judge the improper actions of a boy otherwise he will never learn to be a man and he won’t be fit to marry another man’s daughter. This is one of the MAIN things that women must understand when raising male children. A failure to understand how to properly raise male children is the reason why we see so many weak, irresponsible, nonproductive effeminate boys in the black community.

When a man is dealing with the improper actions of a boy, a woman MUST NOT to step in and try to relieve that boy from the pain of correction that he must receive. If a man is telling him that he is dead wrong, a woman cannot come along and try to soothe his pain by saying “I have compassion for you. I cannot judge your heart…” No ma’am! He needs no compassion and he must be judged. A man’s words and actions reveal the content of his heart. It is a man’s job, therefore, to teach a boy plainly that his actions reveals the content of his heart and to teach him the impact his actions will have on the community at-large.

Google ANY study on fatherlessness and you will find that it, more than any other anomaly, produces death, crime, poverty and a lack of productivity in a community.

A study by the Institute on Assests and Social Policy at Brandeis University reveals children born outside of marriage have life stacked against them and are more likely to experience:
  • Retarded cognitive (especially verbal) development;
  • Lower educational achievement;
  • Lower job attainment;
  • Increased behavior and emotional problems;
  • Lower impulse control; and
  • Reduced social development.
These children are far more likely to:
  • Engage in early sexual activity;
  • Have children out of wedlock;
  • Be on welfare as adults; and
  • Engage in criminal activity.
The absence of married parents is related to slower development in early childhood. A study of black infants (aged 5 to 6 months) living in poorer households found that male infants who experienced "minimal interaction with their fathers" had significantly lower levels of overall mental development and lower social responsiveness.

Children without fathers:
-   tend to have lower cognitive development
-   have problems in controlling activity (ADHD).
-   exhibit problems in learning
-   more likely to have emotional and behavioral problems during childhood. These problems include:

Antisocial behavior: disobedience in school, cheating and lying; bullying and cruelty to others; breaking things deliberately; failure to feel sorry alter misbehaving;

Hyperactive behavior: difficulty concentrating or paying attention; becoming easily confused; acting without thinking; being restless or overactive;

Headstrong behavior: easily losing one's temper; being stubborn, irritable, disobedient at home; arguing excessively;

Peer conflict: having trouble getting along with others, being not liked, being withdrawn;

Dependent behavior: crying too much, being too dependent on others, demanding attention, clinging to adults.

Boys raised by never-married mothers have significantly higher levels of these behavior problems than girls. Boys:
-   have less ability to delay gratification
-   poorer impulse control over anger and sexual activity
-   have a weaker sense of conscience or sense of right and wrong
-   educational attainment was cut by one-tenth of a year for each year spent as a child in a single-parent home
-   have lower job and salary attainment

Boys that are educated and healthy are the primary predictor of future productivity and protection for a community. Without their productivity it perpetuates poverty and permits a climate of predatory activity against women and children in a community. Boys that are educated and healthy will have had their father or men in the family and community leading and guiding them into productivity. This is NOT to suggest that his mother or the women did not play a role. But while a boy can be led by his mother to stay out of trouble, finish school and find a good job, without a strong male presence in his life, he will never be whole. He will always know internally that he is missing something that he should have received paternally.

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