I'm becoming increasingly concerned at the term "strong woman" and how it is being largely used by women who have been hurt and are now obstinate, belligerent, combative, and vindictive as a result.
A real man NEVER has to say "I'm a man". Boys unsure of their manhood are the ones who feel they have to convince others that they are a man. There is no mistaking a real man. Everyone recognizes him when they see him.
Strong women NEVER have to say "I'm a strong woman". Everyone recognizes strength in a woman when they see her. Feminine strength is usually accompanied by grace, elegance and beauty.
A woman is like a rose. She has petals that are beautiful, delicate, soft and sweet. But a rose also has a thick stem with thorns. The stem represents the toughness she must have in order to stand against the challenges the world forces her to face. The thorns serve to protect her from men that try to pick her up quickly who don't know how to handle her properly.
Women who have been seriously hurt are the ones who proclaim to be strong. Their petals have fallen off and all they appear to have left are the thick stem and thorns. Tyler Perry said in the movie: Why Did I Get Married II, "It is hard to love a good woman who has had a bad man." It becomes difficult for good men, real men, to love the "strong woman" because she has been hurt. She puts up a "strong" thorny shield to prevent that hurt from happening again. She tries to move on from time to time and find love with other men. However, she is hurting and hurting people tend to hurt other people. Therefore, many hurting women become a "player", opt to do to others what have been done to them, and either consciously or subconsciously attempt to push their pain on to the next man.
GOD loves to protect his daughters so HE will make sure that she crosses paths with a good man, a real man, but the pain she is carrying will cause her to reject or mistreat him.
The only people that can be truly loved are those who are truly loveable. Carrying hurt and pain can make a woman who was once strong in spirit as well as elegant and lovely very ugly. It takes real strength for a woman to retain her internal beauty after she has been hurt emotionally.
A woman who has been hurt must forget the hurt and forgive those men who caused the pain. Otherwise, her lack of forgiveness and holding on to the pain will allow those guys to keep her in captivity. She must therefore forget the hurt, begin to live and and allow herself to be truly loved.
Now, here is the frustrating part that nobody has told her.
All of the men she picked who turned out to be 0's were part of life's tests to see if she was ready for the 1. Each time she selected a 0 it meant that she was not ready the 1. Each time a woman selects a 0 she, in reality, failed one of life's little tests. And each time one fails a life test they have to take a retest.
This is the "real" reason the average woman in this situation has been dealing with one 0 after another. So there is nothing wrong with her or her life as she may have come to believe. She simply lacked knowledge. No one ever told her that each time a woman feels that she is ready to receive the 1, she must first get past another 0. And she will have to continue getting past the test of 0's until she passes or proves that she is ready for the 1.
Once she has learned to recognize and reject the 0's, GOD will see that she receives the 1.
She will then no longer have to pretend to be strong as a means of protecting herself from the hurt. The love living inside of her that she freely shares with another will cleans her from the affects of hurt and strengthen her in mind, body and spirit.
This is the TRUTH...I am living this situation right now with my current wife, trying to help her recognize and understand her REAL strength - not what she perceives it to be...
ReplyDelete"So now she becomes the "player" and either consciously or subconsciously takes her revenge on the next man."
ReplyDeleteOr, maybe,just maybe...she simply shuts down and shies away from anything coming her way that possibly could ressemble the start of a new relationship.
Takes herself off "the market", so to speak.
That way, though her strength may not be what it used to be, her beauty and elegance are still in tact.
This article presupposes that the subjects are Bible believers or readers. Men and women are equal partners in the solution and creating the problems. Bad men create bad women, bad women create bad men, unless an outside intervention happens. Your mom and dad are the first picture of how a relationship. If it is good, you have a good chance to prosper and vice versa. The world say to a woman that she has to be strong and independent. I agree, but it should not be a "my way or the highway" attitude. A man and woman should be willing to work together, share together, plan together and be together. Not just for the other's entertainment, but to bring two individuals together. The ruins of broken relationships should tell us all what is right and correct for a prosperous life, but with everything else; to ignore history is to be doomed to repeat it.
ReplyDeleteI am a woman. I used to be a strong woman, by your definition. Now, I am a strong woman, by the standard of having been destroyed yet, somehow, still holding on to survival.
ReplyDeleteI do not disagree, with some of what you are saying. I wish that I could reclaim the innocence that has been lost and let down my guard; however, it is not a choice... My instincts "kick in" and protect me from getting hurt again, involuntarily.
I will disagree with the idea that I respond by becoming a "player", and I believe such assumption may ironically have been derived from your own hurt. "Playing" others is not in my Spirit. So, I have made peace with the fact that I will spend my life alone, unless God chooses to intervene... and I oscillate constantly between hoping that He does and hoping that He doesn't.
But, here's my question, for you:
Why, when men discuss such matters, do they still always focus on the female psychology? Why do they dissect our oft times, yes, inappropriate reactions (i.e. some women do attempt to become "players"), chronically continuing to defer accountability for their proverbial side of the street?... And, I don't mean individually... I mean, taking a critical look at YOUR gender.
In short, there's almost no woman that I know who has not been betrayed by a man. Statistically, 1 in 3 girls is molested in childhood... , and that's just the reported cases. I've never met a woman who has not dealt with date rape and/or infidelity, at least once.
So, why not ask yourself and write a blog posting about this topic, from a different perspective... examining questions such as, "Is it in man's nature to be a "player" (i.e. "predator")?... and, "What can I do, as a man, to help women find safety and justice, and to hold my brethren accountable for their behavior?... and, "Have I ever contributed, internally or externally, not only to the subjugation of women, but also to the furtherance of the stereotype that, to do so, makes one a 'healthy, straight male'?".
I am caucasian, and I grew up in the "dirty south", and nothing confounds me more than the pathological resistance of my own people to take accountability for our role in the problems. They love to roll up their windows and lock their doors... and write academic articles and grace radio shows in which they woefully and "helpfully" and in the most politically-correct fashion lament the problems in the African American community... never conceding that we both created and continue to maintain them all. Tell me, what is the difference between this... and men lamenting the plight of the hurt woman?
Answer continued on next post...
Oh my God... Beautifull...poetry...
DeleteKevin (Ireland)
And, to this day... I would (rightfully) get sideways looks, even from my own people, if I were to say the "N-word" in public... because, even though many of my people think that way, it's no longer, generally, socially acceptable. But making jokes on women... how "emotional" we are (this is supposed to be a gift that you guys muster the humility to learn from, by the way)... and how we "talk too much" (again, you're supposed to be listening for some pretty important stuff, as many texts confirm that we are more spiritually and intuitively attuned, than are you)... and how we "nag", etc... and all the other demonized stereotypes about women... Well, these are still the perfectly acceptable fodder for TV commercials and social interactions.
ReplyDeleteAnd, if I have a problem with it... I'm a "bitch", or a "dyke". If I'm chaste, I'm a "prude", and if I have sex, I'm a "slut". If I talk I'm "pushy", and if I don't, I"m "stupid". If I dress up, I "asked for it", and If I dress down, I'm "not feminine". And, if my natural instinct to survive dictates that the wall is up, because I cannot afford to take a risk on a man (odds are too high for disaster, from a purely statistical standpoint)... Well, then, my "problem" is that I've been hurt, and I've "lost my grace and elegance and beauty".
Old news, guys... Tell me something I haven't heard.
Show me a man who can CHECK HIMSELF... and his brothers...and take accountability for the damage that men (not all individuals, but the vast majority) have done to the beings who were made as their gifts... and defend this ethic, even when it's boys' night out.
Believe it or not, I don't hate men. I only wish that so many men didn't hate women, and I wish that it were no longer socially acceptable to do so.
I was intrested until it got to the player part.must be me but that never solved any problems, might as well be strong and become an alcoholic. im just sayin!
ReplyDeleteI personally don't go for strong women anymore. I've been with many different strong women, and it's far too much of a hassle, and the constant power struggles are a major turn off.
ReplyDeleteTrust me, as much as you women want a man....we men want a woman....someone who's at least somewhat feminine and is comfortable being feminine. Would you girls want a guy who's constantly sweet and caring and loving...no you don't, and it's the same for men, we don't want a woman who constantly has to try to prove to herself and others that she's "strong and independent."
Ultimately, you want someone you can love....it's hard to love a strong woman, in my case at least, I see them more as a man than a woman. I see them as people who are afraid of their feminine side, as much as alot of men are, because we've been programmed to view it as weak. Women have played second fiddle to a man since time began, and they don't want that anymore, so they suppress their feminine side.
Well that's not healthy. To be a full person, you have to have them balanced.....masculine and feminine. And to me, I much prefer a more feminine girl, because again...ultimately, a relationship is about love. And it's hard to love someone who suppresses that part of themselves that loves.